how screwed up can she get? its like seriously mad. gosh. and yet she puts up a nice front before guests. the biggest crap i've seen. anyways heck about this small talk. i'll type down the details now.


ok...went out for a 9.15pm movie and she grumbles. ok, fine it's late but come on, i dint really have a choice, its the only timing and the movie is gong to end soon. but she just had to say that any reason i give is absolutely crap. geex. nothing to back yourself up just keep quiet. dont come tell me all this bull. then worse still she must bring in my sis, bad inflence. blah blah blah. dots. then also bring dad in. geex. so whatever. diao.


come on. i'm 18 and you want to control me till 21? frankly i had enough. its not like i dint tell you that i'm going out. and yet you can come and tell me off? sheex. I wont let you spoil my day. so i'm just not going to give a damn. ground me for the week? to hell with it. not that i'm rebellious or anything, i just cant seem to tell you how i feel since you'll just cast away my words. and say its utter bullshit.


say i'm senseless...wow thanks mum. dots. like i care. stop using words that describes yourself. well i'm pissed and i really cant be bothered to argue with your nonsense. i like to say what i want. and u cant stop me. and about this overseas thing, get a life. you're using it against me? you got to be joking. whatever it is, the curx is that you just wont bother to listen to my explainations and i'm getting rather fed up with all YOUR crap! the whole family is like tolerating, just a matter of time till we blow up in your face.


everything i have to do you'll have to chip in. stick to your own stuff. oh and now i'll see you ever so often? my days are going to be drowned in agony. thats so amazing! As if...diao. if you want me to disappear forever, i'll do so. just you wait and see. you have been prompting me. we'll see what happens...we'll see...


Anyways today, went to play LAN and watched a movie. spent so so much today. rather broke. lets see...i spent: movie-$19, lunch- $6, dinner- $5.80, ruffles- $3.50, ezlink- $10, LAN- $10, cab- $8.90, evian- $2.10. ahh, heck...had fun...wells thats the whole purpose but spent too much...sighs. kk thats abt all, cya. School is starting soon! Hope the class will be ok. :)

Friday, March 31, 2006;
I made my mark

i have absolutely no freaking idea why you hate it so much?
Why do you detest it?
Is it that bad that you must spite yourself to prevent it?
its just a day i'm asking for and you're at work.
its a day spent with dad.
something both we share and enjoy.
must you get in the way every time and ruin it for us?
i wish you could feel what i feel.


Asking is a must
and every single time i do so i'll be faced with so much resistance from you.
Frankly, it pisses me off.
dad is doing so much and yet when he wants to spends time with his son
you spoil it! purposely.
i'm just keeping it from you.
waiting for one day when i really get fed up
then you'll feel my wrath.
i just don't understand...


you put me down and lift me up
is it some kind of strategy? Used against me?
it sucks.
well you succeeded...great job.
i can feel the blood boiling beneath my skin
but won't let me release it.
what are you getting at?
whats the whole point of doing all these?
Is it to make my life a pain? And laugh it off when you achieve it?
EVERYONE ends up upset
i give up understanding.
its pointless.


Reporting to you is a must.
every single step is met with some resistance.
people have a life.
don't take that away.
please.


This entry is just my plain thoughts and anguish being put into words. Don't ask me why...i don't know. Just felt like it.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006;
I made my mark

Well, replying to your post...i do feel that i was indeed wrong for taking the dispenser. I mean, the issue is over and there is nothing much we all can do about it right? I've noted your point of view. And just to add...i did not take the better one when i had a choice of more than 3. Well, in any case i'm wrong to do that and i have accepted my mistake. I will not further rag this issue on and on ok? Its kinda pointless. Right now the only thing and probably the most important thing i can do i change. We all make mistakes but i'm not saying that what i do i not wrong. I thank you very much for replying my entry. Sincerly. I also thank you for being so a good friend to me. a person who tells me off when i do something wrong. Many do not have the courage but you do. So i really would like to use this opportunity to say thank you. You have kept in line from since god knows when. Truely, i have realse my mistake and i ask for forgiveness. I also feel sorry to hear that some of my classmates find me err...a pain? Would like to know who. Aanyways, the crux of this whole entry is to apologise to you as well its a lesson learnt. I have to change. That i understand. I guess the time when we quarrelled wasn't exactly a very good time. we were all stressed out weren't we? Once again, both were partly to blame for all this nonsense. yup, but its still my wrong doing that cause this.

Frankly, i will not continue saying and argueing. i accepted my mistake and lets drop this whole issue. What say you? Better off being friends then enermies :)

PS: well, u could try to use more lenient words...haha! :)

Okay thats about it...hope this will end after you see this entry. Wanna come for a hike with us? tomorrow i think...reply k? cya soon! God bless!

Duane

Sunday, March 05, 2006;
I made my mark

This entry is going to be dedicated to a dear friend of mine whom i fear i might lose this friendship i share with him.If you are reading this, i hope you will look at it from my point of view. Ture, i have been avoiding this topic as much as possible but u always bring it up at the wrong time. therefore i wish to clear it once and for all just like u said u want to get it off your cheast. Same here.You should know who you are. besides, you have known me for sometime. i dont joke when it comes to these issues.

Firstly, you have been very cold towards me starting off this whole issue when i put my msn nick to "i topped one subject". you feel that i'm trying to show off. proud was the word you chose to use and i tried reasoning with you by saying i'm just happy that i did well. you thought otherwise and this led to a chain reaction of many wretched events.It started off when u told me, "stop calling me bro". i use this term to start off a conversation. its like "hi dude!". but u got all flustered up.i'm calling you bro because i regard you as a good friend who can understand my problems. but it turns out that even though u have already known me for 3years, u can still say i'm a person who is proud, spineless, not trustworthy, and have no sense of integrity. frankly, u have really hurt me.


This are the sentences that really hurt me the most:

1)Danetoushi Sarakugi says:

"maybe to u its no big deal. maybe for u,success is such a high lvl thing, u'll do anything to attain it. u'll make ur friends jealous, do bad things, scheme,just to haf success. no problem! cos tts u!"

2)Danetoushi Sarakugi says: "u knew u would get an advantage and u exploited it"


if you are wondering why i'm always not online. its because i blocked you and why i'm trying as much as not to bring about this topic is due to that fact that i don't want to flare up and get our friendship into a wrost state than now. also, taking note of my health. you very well know that i get hyperventilation when i'm pushed into a corner or when i get very stressed up. i admit i'm weak but i just wish you would understand. if you are thinking that this are all excuses then all i can say is that there is no point in continuing to read the rest of the entry. Because you will not understand me no matter how i put it to you.

Seriously speaking, i feel that you are compilling all the events of which you are not happy to back up your view when i took the scotch tape dispenser. i fully agree that i was in the wrong when i took the dispenser and hand it up for marking. but do you realise that i took it out of no choice? i felt terrible when i had to take a ready made workpiece. you will most probably counter this sentence by saying, "whatever it is, u have no bloody right to take the artefact.". Besides i was left with only 1 part for the workpiece i did on my own. But look at it on a neutral point of view. its not my fault that my artefact had to go missing. and its even more wrong and unfair to say that (i knew i would get an advantage and i exploited it) to gain the upper hand. Think of it logically. i did not have the time to think how much marks i would get. i just wanted to hand it up. And lets say even if i did think of it that way, the marks when totaled would be so insignificant. the 5-10 marks i got extra in my artefact would contribute to only 1% in the total.So stop all this nonsense that it is so unfair to the others. On top of that, i told our lecturer about this whole thing. he still accepted it because its only that extra part he did not mark which i got the extra mark. What right do you have to say i have no integrity? Wisen up and stop being so childish by saying "it doesn't matter" when i told you that i told the lecturer.U are behaving just like the friend of mine you passed negative comments about during the chalet.

Regarding the handphone issue. i agree i was not responsible to return you on wednesday. i totally forgot about it. You obviously did not spare a thought for me when u started this whole thing on the night just before my semester paper. Do you know how hard it was for me to continue studying after you shoot your mouth off at me that night? U just wanted to have it your way. Everything you say is superior to mine. and even if that is not the case, when i wanted you to stop, you refused. you said this, "Danetoushi Sarakugi says: lost for words?", after i said nevermind. don't you remember? Its obvious that you are trying to worsen things. Right now you can come up with all the reasons to still say that you are right and all. i'm not saying that i'm not at all at fault. but i just want you to think about what i said above. Is this how you treat a friend?

I was utterly disgusted when you brought up Hedi's case. It has no link to this problem i have with you. Stay out of it. i paid the money. Also, to top it of with all the shit you throw it me,you even had problems with me getting a distinction in oral coommunication last semester. i had my reasons for delaying the test date as i had to prepare for my cca. and do not say its all crap. i had enough time. what do you know? nothing! i was busy getting everything ready for the visit by our president. and it is entirely your fault that you did not do as well as me. in fact you had more time. And think about it again, the marks are not based solely on the written essay. its the teachers choice to give a person a distinction not me. So reflect on what you have said to me. and do not turn the thing around and say,"if you think you did nothing wrong, stay far away from me." its more like i'm the one who should say that.

In any case i'm sorry for doing the wrongs i did. i should not have taken the artefact.And your handphone, i'll return it.

The prupose of this whole entry is not to worsen the friendship i have with you. but to let you know that not all of what you have said to me is ture. i'm just defending myself with the truth you did not know. I really do not know why you are doing all this to me. Jealousy? i think not. you are not the type...In the end, its you yourself who have control over what you want to do with your life and what you chose to say to others. it may not hurt you but it has cut a scar so deep in the heart to know that a friend that knows me for 3 years is actually jumping to conclusions without knowing what the other side of the story is. i may not show it but ever since that day...it pains just to even see you for who you are have hurt me. Well, if your purpose of all this was to hurt me? well done! In conclusion, i propose to continue being friends with you with the truest intensions. Friendship is hard to build but easily broken. bear that in mind. God bless!

Saturday, March 04, 2006;
I made my mark